I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
