the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
