I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
