Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm at about main and main street
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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