i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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