the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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