p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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