you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
