If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
