At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
