what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
