It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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