I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
