I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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