The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
