so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize