Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
