Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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