i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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