Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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