Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
