Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
