Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
