I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize