There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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