I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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