dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
