Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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