Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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