i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
there is glitter all over my balls
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
