I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
