Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
