We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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