I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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