then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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