wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
