Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
