Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
