Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
