My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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