Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize