his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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