He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
