soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
