Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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