11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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