If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
