Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
