I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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