I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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