i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
