he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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