I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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