my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
