I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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