at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
