she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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