i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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