I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
