Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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