Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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