Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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