Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
