I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
