What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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