if i can run in heels then i can drive
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
